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  Scribe Publications

  THE VIEW FROM CONNOR’S HILL

  Barry Heard was conscripted in Australia’s first national service ballot, and served in Vietnam as an infantryman and radio operator. After completing his national service he returned home, where he found himself unable to settle down. He had ten different jobs in his first ten years back, worked as a teacher for a further ten years, and then held several mid-managerial posts before succumbing to a devastating breakdown due to severe post-traumatic stress disorder.

  Since recovering, Barry Heard has decided to concentrate on his writing. His first book, Well Done, Those Men, dealt mainly with his Vietnam War-related experiences. He lives with his family in rural Victoria.

  For Fraser and Ruby

  Scribe Publications Pty Ltd

  18–20 Edward St, Brunswick, Victoria 3056, Australia

  50A Kingsway Place, Sans Walk, London EC1R 0LU, United Kingdom

  Email: [email protected]

  First published by Scribe 2007

  Copyright © Barry Heard 2007

  All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise) without the prior written permission of the publisher of this book.

  National Library of Australia

  Cataloguing-in-Publication data

  Heard, Barry.

  The view from Connor’s Hill.

  9781922072849 (e-book).

  1. Heard, Barry. 2. Australia - Social life and customs

  - 1945-1965 - Biography. I. Title.

  994.05092

  www.scribepublications.com.au

  http://scribepublications.co.uk

  Contents

  Introduction

  1 Rover

  2 A kid in Melbourne

  3 Entering the wilderness

  4 Settling in

  5 Exploring the bush

  6 ‘You’re disgusting, Heard.’

  7 Back in the bush

  8 Finding our way

  9 Leaving school

  10 Ensay

  11 Swanee

  12 ‘What’s that horrible smell, Barry?’

  13 Bob versus Bernie

  14 ‘You’re a weak-kneed chicken, Heard.’

  15 ‘You’ll pay for this …’

  16 Coming of age

  17 Endings and beginnings

  Acknowledgements

  Introduction

  IT WAS TEN YEARS AGO THAT THE BREAKTHROUGH HAPPENED. I had woken up not looking forward to my day, as usual. After lunch I found myself having a face-to-face discussion with my psychologist, which was never much fun. I was about to finish the session when she issued me with a straightforward, plain instruction: ‘Write down how you feel, Baz.’

  Sue, the psychologist, was having trouble getting me to talk. At that time I rarely wrote anything down, and certainly nothing private or personal. However, for some reason I took her advice. I returned to my room in the psychiatric ward and, for the first time, wrote about how I saw myself … it was something we were continually being asked to do in group therapy.

  ‘How do you see yourself? How do you feel?’

  To my surprise, my timid initial jottings quickly became a habit. Mind you, I didn’t share this little secret with anyone. A bloke writing — what a cop-out!

  After several weeks, I found myself starting to write about painful scenes and incidents that I had witnessed as a young man, but I laboured to describe or explain the events: my shoulders would tense up, my forehead would jam with a rigid frown, and I would hold the pen so tightly that it would almost snap. Then, one day, as I was writing my journal, something remarkable happened. Putting down the pen, I closed my eyes and pictured what I had been writing about. I saw a skinny young man in the jungle in Vietnam. He was very stressed, tired, concentrating, and looking quickly this way and that. Suddenly, a message squawked into his handset. He squeezed the receiver button and acknowledged the pilot.

  ‘One, green smoke, Roger, out.’

  The dust-off chopper came in.

  His mate Kards was choppered out.

  The young man now had the battalion radio in his hands … and he was almost shaking with stress.

  The scene was very clear in my head. Suddenly, like someone turning on a light, my own feeling of being stressed changed to something quite unfamiliar to me. I felt sadness. I wanted to enter that scene and comfort that young man, to offer him support and compassion. I wanted to explain to him that this bloody mess of a war was simply crazy. I wanted to tell him that he was okay, and that he was doing okay.

  I was talking to myself … some 30 years earlier.

  Again, I picked up the pen. Now, though, my writing changed: I wrote with emotion. From anger to sadness and in between, I would sway and sometimes dash — always from my new vantage-point that enabled me to see this frightened young man, along with his mates, suffer through an appalling ordeal. Little did I realise at the time that I was purging my soul. Within a month I had written several hundred pages. Admittedly, I didn’t show anyone my jottings for almost three years. It was too private for that.

  However, it worked.

  Today, that period of writing is gone, finished. In fact, I believe that after the first 12 months I had flushed out most of my demons. Sure, I was still fragile, and I showed all the outward signs of a tired, worn-out old man. But, inside, my spirit was starting to grow. Like a campfire that has struggled to start due to the pouring rain, I was on my way. In time, this fire could cook several dampers and boil a billy.

  Today, for me, writing is like recalling a treasure, a unique incident, or a story. It leads me to explore my memory, my opinion, my feelings, and my life. My only regret is that I didn’t hit upon this activity decades ago. Almost every day now, my pen hits the paper running. Come — let me share some of these precious recollections with you.

  MANY PEOPLE contacted me after reading my first book, Well Done, Those Men. There were sections of the book that had appealed to them, such as its beginning, which described life in the country devoid of television and takeaways. Most people who corresponded wanted to read more about that era and the district out from Connor’s Hill. As mentioned, over the last decade I had written at length about this period. Mainly, these were short pieces that I wrote for my own satisfaction. For me, and for many locals, returning to that period in written form has been a delight. I always felt proud to show them a story I had written. Sadly, that era has all but disappeared.

  To produce this book, I put those pieces together. For authenticity, or to verify some of the yarns, I did many trips back to the high country, made numerous phone calls, and had a wonderful time. It was like turning back the clock — sitting around a table, having a cuppa, a scone, and simply talking. Many were surprised at my recall. That is a benefit of writing: delving into my mind for information invariably results in a totally forgotten memory coming to the surface.

  I believe I grew up in a unique district, and that it had a profound effect on me. As a young person in the Omeo area, I always felt I was under a subtle form of scrutiny, a cultural check maybe, to ensure that I wasn’t stepping out of line — not that I minded. Perhaps a good example was the time when I recall getting a tongue-lashing from my parents and being banned from driving their car for a month. I had been dobbed in by a local farmer. The night before, I had driven d
own Connor’s Hill in my parent’s car at a speed that now makes me shudder. I passed an old farmer in his Vauxhall Velox. With a lurch, I lost control of Mum’s car. It went off the road, slewed on over a small hump, and then became airborne for some 20 feet before landing back on the bitumen. Fortunately, it corrected and we continued. There were five of us in the car. Death was but a stroke of luck away. The farmer reported me to my parents and, boy, did I cop it.

  Living in the Omeo Shire was almost like having an extended family. Nowadays, most Australians grow up in cities; apart from immediate family, neighbours, work, or schoolmates, many have little idea of the diversity of the people who surround them. For me, during my youth, the high country was rich in characters and flushed with gossip, and the community was very close. From Glen Wills to Tambo Crossing, I knew every family in some way.

  In normal day-to-day living, there were peculiarities such as people being typecast based on whether they lived above or below the Gap, as it was called. ‘Above the Gap’ referred to the higher, colder areas around Omeo and Benambra, where the inhabitants experienced snow and bitter, cold winds, and their stock did it tough in the winter. The area is famous for its fine wool and hardy Hereford cattle that have been reared on the open plains of the high country. People as far back as Banjo Paterson have been entranced by this beautiful, unique country. ‘Below the Gap’, where I grew up, was the Tambo Valley, consisting of Swifts Creek and Ensay, and many tiny locations such Tongio and Tambo Crossing. It was rare to have snow there, and our winters were milder, but our summers were much hotter. Yet it was only a five-mile drive from the lower to the higher open plains. The road that connected the two districts was called the Gap. It’s where my parents’ farm was located.

  From early settlement, rivalry thrived between the two separate areas, particularly in sport. Other distinctive sub-cultures could be found throughout the entire shire. Farmers or graziers were the elite, while the majority of workers were employed in the many timber mills found in every town in the shire. Most farms also had labourers. Religion was a major influence, and subtle forces could be seen at play when it came to marriages and courting, religious instruction at school, and even funerals.

  Mind you, I didn’t realise that such things existed until I left to go into the army. But — and this is a big but — if this community was put under pressure, or if it had to cope with a disaster, it was as one. The peculiar quirks that superficially divided the areas disappeared, and the problem was met head-on — whether it was a death, a bushfire, a tragic accident, a house burnt down, or havoc caused by a freak flood. People were always there for each other.

  Consequently, when I started writing for pleasure, particularly about those early times, I began to realise the benefit of having experienced that era, and I felt an inner satisfaction. I often smile as I relive a cherished period on paper. Countless times as a youngster, I remember enjoying a meal on the farm, or at home, when the table would come to life. There would be talking, laughter and, sometimes, a pack of cards. People had reputations as storytellers, and I always looked forward to their company. I never sat in a lounge room, as so many people do today, fixated on a box, staring at a beam of electrons in a vacuum.

  There’s no question that I spent my youth in a beautiful area that boasted many wonderful scenes and views. The film The Man from Snowy River was made just over the hills from where I grew up. The young man who did all the spectacular riding in that film, Ken Connelly, comes from Benambra, just up the road. And Connor’s Hill, mentioned so vividly in my first book, is not the most spectacular landmark when compared to the rest of the shire I lived in. However, for me it offered something special: it was the gateway to home. Many times, when returning from a trip away from the area, I always felt I was home once we reached the crest of Connor’s Hill. People have told me of their similar feelings when they arrive at a railway station, or turn into a street, or spot a tower or a spire or the like that identifies their town. That, for me, was Connor’s Hill. There were times when I just stopped and admired the awesome view. As a young lad, often while returning home after work, I would comment to my friends about the sunset or the low-hanging clouds. My friends at the time, Rover the dog or Swanee the horse, never answered me, but I’m sure they enjoyed the view as well. Much later in my life, this view returned to me in a fleeting moment that allowed me to return home. At the time, I was thousands of miles away and believed I was going to die. That, however, is another story altogether.

  MY FIRST EFFORT at just writing for the joy of it was a short piece I wrote about Rover, a dog I had once owned and loved. I harboured countless fond memories of my times with him, but the idea of writing about my dog only arose after a chance meeting. Like many locals who knew me, the bloke I met realised I had been doing some writing, mainly for therapeutic reasons. He was very concerned about my health, and was pleased that I was finding writing such a benefit. It was a strange period of my life. People would say things to me like, ‘You’re looking younger, Baz’ or, ‘You’re back, our Baz is back … bless you, my boy’ and, ‘I haven’t seen that cheeky grin for decades.’ However, rarely would they talk about my illness — a mental breakdown — or the cause of the problem — Vietnam. Until this day, and this meeting.

  To my surprise, the person almost challenged me to write about Rover … for fun, for the very reasons stated above.

  His name was Bill, or old Bill, as I called him. Let me explain.

  I met old Bill, a dear old man from my past, in the mall near Safeway in Bairnsdale in the year 2000. As I approached the precinct, the first thing I spotted from some distance away was old Bill’s familiar, thin, leathery face. The checked shirt, moleskin trousers, 1950s’ Harris tweed sports coat, riding boots, and wide-brimmed Stetson hat he still wore also gave him away. It made me smile as I thought, Still a gentleman — a neat, polite bushman who always doffs ’is lid to the ladies. He sat alone on the bench seat in the mall, his head lowered, staring at the rollie between his nicotine-stained fingers.

  He looked up as if sensing my approach and said, ‘G’day, mate.’

  ‘G’day, Bill, ya old blighter. How’s things?’

  ‘Good, mate. Yourself? Ya spelling improved yet?’

  ‘Yeah, good. You know, Bill, I wouldn’t have believed it, but the older you get, the uglier you get. You sure you weren’t from Omeo, mate?’

  ‘Steady on, Baz. Anyhow, I can do up me shoe laces. You learnt that yet, mate?’

  This was a typical greeting. We discussed the weather, stock prices, and the possible closing of the old Benambra store. I had first met Bill about 40 years before, while working in a shearing shed. I was the rouseabout and Bill was a shearer — and a good one at that. He is retired now, and lives in the small country city of Bairnsdale. I see him whenever I go down the street, which is not too often. On this day he gave me some lip about my footy skills, or lack of them, when I’d played for Ensay; Bill always enjoyed reminding me how bloody useless I’d been. Then, as usual, I’d turn to the subject of Bill’s shearing. There is no doubt he was one of the best shearers I’d ever picked up for when I used to rouseabout. But he was a bloody mollydooker — a left-hander — and it was difficult to pick up his fleece when he finished shearing his sheep.

  Even though we usually had the same discussion every time we met, our conversation was enjoyable, created a few laughs, and reinforced the strong bond of friendship we shared. It’s funny how insults affirm camaraderie in the bush. Yet, for all our yakking, I sensed a deeper resolve. Bill lived alone now. Doris, his wife of around 50 years, had died some ten years back. I also noticed that his old dog, Tattle, wasn’t sitting beside his boots.

  So, with some concern, I awkwardly asked, ‘How’s things, Bill? Looking after yourself?’

  He hesitated, looked down, and said, ‘Can’t bring Tattle downs the town any more, Baz. He just used to get excited when he saw other dogs, but then this lad
y complained and reckoned she would get him banned, ya know? So now I don’t bring him. Bit rough, I reckon. Poor old fella, he knows when I gets dressed up and I is going downs the street. He whines and then sits at the front gate and looks real sad, like. He’s still there when I go back. Pity, the kids downs here love him.’

  I was taken aback. This didn’t seem fair. Tattle was Bill’s best mate, a kelpie-cross sheepdog that was reputed to have been a brilliant yard dog in his day. It didn’t seem right that they deny Bill the company of his mate. Reaching over to old Bill, I put my hand on his shoulder. ‘Geez, mate, that’s a bit rough.’

  ‘Yeah, I know. Poor old Tattle. I only ever seen one better dog than him, and that was the dog you had, Baz. Remember him, mate?’

  I looked away. How could I forget? The powerful memories of my own special dog flooded back. Bill continued talking about Rover, that unique dog I once owned. He not only recalled many of his characteristics; he also remembered in detail the peculiar markings of that strange-looking dog.

  Bill, like many of the old people up home, was aware I had been real crook for the last couple of years. After a period of silence, in a low voice, he mentioned my writing. I guessed that, like most, he had heard that it had helped with my recovery, and he knew I had been doing a lot of it. He muttered something I didn’t quite get. He seemed embarrassed until, with a cough, he asked, ‘Ever put the story of Rover on paper, mate?’

  ‘No,’ I replied. ‘I haven’t.’

  ‘You should, mate.’

  I changed the subject. We continued to speak of other characters, and recalled those wonderful days in the 1950s and 1960s in the bush. I still feel lucky to harbour such delightful memories.

  I returned home that same day, half determined to write about the dog and to acknowledge the wonderful companionship I had experienced by having owned such an animal. Later the same day, I was in my shed working on a piece of old furniture. It was a simple task — sanding back the top — but I was continually distracted. Old Bill’s enquiries earlier that day about Rover really nagged at me. At one stage I stopped, walked outside, and sat in the shade of the old rivergum that grows in our backyard. Pondering those good times years ago, and that exceptional dog, I asked myself, ‘Surely just the memory alone is worth the effort?’